i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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