I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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