I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
