Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My hand turned me down
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
