When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
