I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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