Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need water and some morals
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
