one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
