My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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