i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
