I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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