I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sext me about skeletons
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
