you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish you could order shots online.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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