so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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