I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
