Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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