Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
