I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm passing your future prison.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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