Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
