Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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