i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
