Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
