god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
