This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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