Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
