THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
