I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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