Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
