apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
