So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
