I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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