I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
