doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
