when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
