By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
