dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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