seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found puke in my bra..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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