please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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