My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
