You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
