remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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