You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
