Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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