He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
