You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
