i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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