two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
