There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
