I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this hospital has no fireball
How does one acquire holy water?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
