A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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