Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
