I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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