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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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