And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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