dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
