When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
