My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
