a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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