I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
