There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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