Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
two words: eviction party
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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