RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
