so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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