I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
