I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
