I could have mohawked her pubes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
