Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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