I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
