When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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