Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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