Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
