i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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