remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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